My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
