We won't sleep together?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
