this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
