i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
