New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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