Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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