this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
