Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
