Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize