so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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