thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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