dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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