it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize