It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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