Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
