im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
