Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize