im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
