I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
