I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
