Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
