"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
