Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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