I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
