dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize