before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize