I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
two words: eviction party
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
