VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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