Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
