I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
