Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
