Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
