Is it because I queefed?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
