Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
