Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Enjoy the penises
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
