Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize