Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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