I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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