Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
