I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
