Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
why is half of my head shaved?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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