dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize