There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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