miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
