Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
