We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
