Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
