she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we made out on top of his cat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
