her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
