My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
