first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
