We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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