You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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