I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
