Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
