I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my poor anus
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
