I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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