Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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