I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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