dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
