ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
