hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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