She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
