we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
