I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
