I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
