Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
