swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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