I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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