ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
