he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Text me some of your sweat
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