Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
