Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
