And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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