im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
