you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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