Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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