What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
