I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
