my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
