sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
