My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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