i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
