Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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