then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
