also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
