the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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